


walking at night

by jjongnite



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Death, Dreams, Ghost Tony Stark, Kinda, M/M, Other, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, stevetony feeling a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 13:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongnite/pseuds/jjongnite
Summary: steve rogers has a dream, but this one feels more real than the others.





	walking at night

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based on an episode of Netflix’s Persona, the last episode which is titled the same as this. there is heavy talk of death in this, so be careful! if you watched the episode, youd see this follows the exact conversation pretty closely, just changed around a little to fit stevetony things. i also wrote this on an airplane so? lemme know if there are any issues <3

“Do you remember that night?”

“Not quite.”

“Well, I do. I think it’s nice to remember a summer night.”

“This one was extra cold, Tony. Why remember it?” 

Steve huffed, his hands in his pockets as his partner knocked shoulders with him. He turned to see the same playful smile he’d seen so many times before, Tony’s eyes seeming to be shining under the stars. Steve smiled back, returning his gaze to the ground. His old sneakers kicked at the concrete, scratching against it. Tony seemed to pad across it, his more comfortable shoes instead making a nice and clear sound, yet short lived. 

“This night isn’t as cold, so you won’t remember this one.” 

Jazz played quietly from somewhere down the street, keeping the silence comfortable as they walked. The two of them stayed in silence for a while, Steve getting slightly ahead with his longer strides as Tony talked to him about nothing in particular. It was a clear night, however quiet it might have been. The stars peppered the sky, the moon full in the corner of view. The street was empty, but there was no loneliness. There couldn’t be, not with Tony right there. 

“You know, death really should be portrayed more accurately. The world makes it seem like it’s so simple,” Tony began, gaining Steve’s attention once again, “but there really is a challenge there. I’ve seen so many people lay peacefully, but at the exact moment of death, their mouthes open. It’s like, well, it’s like they still try to hold on once more. I think it’s embarrassing, dying with your mouth open. Just like this.” When he opened his mouth with an “aaah” sound effect completing it, the soldier stuck a finger in his mouth with a smile. After a gag and a laugh, they both fell into giggling. They continued walking afterwards, silencing settling comfortably between the pair. 

“Why are you talking to me about all this death stuff, anyways?” Steve asked, looking ahead.

Tony stopped, however. His head cocked to the side as his black hair fell the same way. His smile faded into a seriousness, “I’m dead. Don’t you remember?” 

Steve stopped, facing his partner again. He stared for a moment, processing the words he just heard before he realized. Oh. His eyes welled up, mouth struggling to keep its thin line as his eyes brows press together in pain. Tony just continued to watch as Steve’s battle against emotions failed, watching as he turned and sat down on the pavement, crying. Tony scoffed, smiling again as he met his soldier on the ground and rested his head on his back. 

“Oh, don’t cry, Stevie. You didn’t even cry at my funeral. I was really about to cut ties with you, but I don’t know how I’d do that if I was dead, anyways.”

Silence, save for sniffling.

“Steve, don’t cry,” he said, patting his back. 

Steve stood, composing himself and continuing to walk again. This time, his hands were shoved more aggressively in his pockets after he smoothed out the clothing, not looking at Tony when he said in a sharp tone, “I didn’t want to cry. Besides, you’re the one who left me here. I don’t know why I’m crying over you.”

Tony changed the subject quickly, choosing not to acknowledge things he knew weren’t true. He brought up the street, asking yet again if Steve remembered it. His face kept a lopsided smile when he responded with an “of course, you used to flirt with me here.” Tony laughed, catching up with the other man and looping an arm around his own.

“I wouldn’t call that flirting, it was just me showing my affection for you.” Steve returned a laugh.

The two come upon a table, deciding to sit on the chairs set for the two of them, two empty wine glasses in front of them. Steve leaned back on the chair, his eyes closing as he took in a deep breath. Tony watched for a moment, a content smile playing on his lips before filling the glasses with wine. 

“It’s crazy how I can still smell things in a dream,” Steve said after opening his eyes again.

“So you must know it’s a dream then, right?” Steve nodded. “You know, I feel like I’m fading more every day. It’s odd. I decided to come say goodbye before I do fade, forever that is. But, it’s not like you’ll remember anything. That’s what they say, when you wake up, you forget the dream.”

The soldier picked up the glass, tipping it from side to side idly before asking, “So what’s the point in coming if I won’t remember?”

“That’s not important, I’m only glad I’m able to see you again. Talk to you,” Tony replied as he sipped from the wine. Silence set in between them again, however confusing the conversation might have been. Steve continued to process, his emotions flattening back into one of contentment. They drank the wine, every so often shooting smiles between each other but for the most part just enjoying the warm night. They stood once again after finishing, continuing to walk down the concrete street they’ve been down so many times. 

“Aren’t you curious about why I died?” 

“What’s the point?” Steve sighed, ”You said I wouldn’t remember anything.”

“It was because I was lonely. It was like… a neverending loneliness. I had to do something. It was all I could think of.”

This time, the silence was uncomfortable. Steve’s walking grew stiffer while Tony’s remained relaxed next to him. It was almost scary how calm he remained while talking about his own death, yet not surprising. What was once a comfort now only planted too many doubtful and guilty thoughts. The taller of the two figured now was a better time than ever to ask, even if he wouldn’t remember doing so. He took a deep breath, shivering slightly on the exhale, before saying barely loud enough for the genius to hear, “Did I make you lonely?”

Tony immediately shook his head, pulling Steve’s arm to stop him. His eyes now were slightly wider, yet just as sparkly. His voice was the same when he replied, “Never. You were always there for me. It was everyone else, the people who didn’t know me, that really dug in the loneliness. There were so many people who didn’t know me like you did, it hurt. Even though you were there, I still felt as if I was suffering in vain.”

Tears began to well back into Steve’s eyes, but with more determination he patched up his composure and tried his best to hold the breaking pieces within from falling apart. He wouldn’t want Tony to see him like that. He never did enjoy when the other man would see him cry. Still, his mind raced. He closed his eyes tightly, repeating the words he’d heard over and over. The captain’s hands were bundled up in fists at his sides, just in an attempt to feel to make the memory possibly stick for longer than expected. He had to remember, it was the least he could do. Almost without any extra thought, words came tumbling from him lips through a whisper, “I’ll never stop blaming myself. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what I did to make you go through with it.” 

Tony’s eyes grew softer than Steve could have ever thought they could. A hand rested on his bicep, gently squeezing before pulling back as Tony’s eyes fell to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I want to make you remember it wasn’t your fault.”

They kept walking after that, the street lights guiding them. For some reason, despite being down it a hundred times, they didn’t know where they were headed. Steve’s head held just as much uncertainty as Tony’s as they talked about anything that came to mind. They talked about old memories, fun times and terrible times. Steve told stories of Bruce, Natasha, and Thor’s latest adventures. He told Tony about how Peter was doing, how he was getting along and how Morgan and Pepper were doing. They spoke the entire time, Tony’s eyes dancing even more under the moonlight with every word. Steve spoke, Tony listened, barely able to remember the faces of the names he mentioned. 

The end of the road, two stopped shadows. The pair faced each other, Tony standing oddly still. There was a slight slouch in his shoulders, his neutral face now holding almost a small frown. Steve mirrored the smaller. 

“It was summer,” was what he said, “That night, it was a summer night. I could hear the sounds of insects as they buzzed by.”

Steve blinked at him, a sadness in his eyes. 

“Death and dreams lead to nowhere. They will both end up nowhere and eventually be forgotten. That’s okay, new things will always take their place.”

The super soldier pulled the smaller closer, wrapping him. Tony clutched hard at the sweater on Steve’s back, both of their eyes shut tightly. He tried hard to once again commit his scent, the feel of his soft hair, the size of him in his arms to memory. Tony stood still, breathing steadily against his favorite companion’s shoulder. 

And then they kept walking.

When Steve woke up, he felt content. The sun was streaming through the curtains, his dogs snoring quietly at the foot of the bed. He rubbed at his eyes, wiggled his toes and wondering why they felt sore. He felt relaxed for the first time in a long while, he just couldn’t remember why.


End file.
